My daughter, who is studying in class ninth, wrote a note to her old class teacher recently, in which she objected to the rape jokes made by the boys of her previous class and told how uncomfortable the girls of the class felt because of it.
She could not muster the courage to speak a year ago on the girls around her and the dirty remarks being made on her. A year later, in some context, he was remembering all that again. A group of boys would make fun of the girls of the class, their vaginas on different parts of their bodies, or make violent things like rape minor. Rape jokes were a common joke.
A year later, those words were still fresh in his mind, and more so than his inability to resist.
Before writing, he definitely asked me whether it would be appropriate to make this complaint after a year. Obviously he felt that it might be wrong for people to bring up such complaints after a long gap.
But it is good that he himself decided that when the courage is bound and the time is right, he must speak. Only after a year she could stand up for herself and for her friends.
After all, why sometimes the time limit raises a question mark on our decision to register our protest. If not the first time, then why later?
It is not difficult to find the reason for this mentality. Not only when the common people of this country also try to convince the girls that these things are actually jokes, girls are giving more preference or boys get carried over while speaking or ignore such comments. needed.
- what did salman khan say
Surprisingly, Salman Khan, the host of a popular TV reality show of a big channel, was not only giving this advice to a female contestant, but in this show, she was seen blaming that female contestant’s protest as wrong.
Superstar Salman Khan was advising the girls participating in the ‘Bigg Boss’ reality show that ‘if a boy looses comment on you then ignore it, ignore it for the second time too – hit the third time and move on. No strict attitude is needed.
He was seen in support of the understanding that ‘if the girl gives the finger, then the hand will hold the boy’ and in the program he was describing a lewd act as ‘carried over- moment to be swept away’.
Something similar happened during a game in the popular reality show called Bigg Boss where a male contestant named Abhijeet Bichukale demanded a female contestant named Devoleena to kiss him repeatedly in the name of helping him in the game.
Devoleena did not say anything on it a couple of times but later lodged a protest on that matter. Now the question arose on Devoleena itself that it was a joke, if she felt bad then she should have protested at first. As a mother of a young girl and a woman, I do not want my daughter or any other girl to follow this advice.
This is what is called Victim Shaming. Why is it so difficult to understand this small thing that you have the right to stop the action that was not stopped for the first, second or even tenth time in the 11th time.
The show’s host Salman Khan has been seen questioning Devoleena and representing the mentality in which Victim Shaming is very easy.
- ‘The girl must have done something’
From ‘girl ne kuch kiya hoga’ to ‘mard, mard hi rahenge’, this mentality advises girls to stay within the so-called circle – it advises to avoid boys breaking the circle. That is, it is the same logic that we cannot make men remember and understand their limits, so it is wise to avoid such situations.
Soon the camps were divided on social media and the race started that the female contestant was quite comfortable with that male contestant. This is where it begins to justify the fact that if you were comfortable with someone at one time, then how can you be uncomfortable with any of their actions. If something was not uncomfortable with the behavior at one time, then why would it be uncomfortable at another time.
This is dangerous. Popular culture, popular artists whom people look up to as role models and are influenced And it should be given the name of opportunism.
Sometimes it is not understandable to react immediately to any kind of sexual violence or uncomfortable behavior. Many times you live in a state of confusion, sometimes you find yourself groping yourself whether there is a mistake in understanding it.
There is a place to speak when you understand and people should not judge you for that. In this society battling sexual violence, the courage to speak will come from that point. The clocks-calendar dates can’t decide the time when girls raise their voices.
Men are often involved in an unconscious conspiracy to normalize bad things, often knowingly or unknowingly, that they will never, without restraint, understand how many such pranks are turning such horrible crimes into laughter.
- this is not the first case
Mulayam Singh Yadav’s ‘boys make mistakes’ or Karnataka MLA’s latest remark is neither the first nor the last. If girls speak today, then perhaps tomorrow even if there is no atmosphere to punish those who make such jokes, perhaps an atmosphere of feeling ashamed will be created.
The point is very simple – no means no. Consent or consent cannot be so difficult to understand, and it is unjust to consider silence or delay as consent.
It is common to normalize such mentality in films, reality shows and on many platforms of mass media and when the actor beloved by millions of people confirms these things, then we get rape jokes of boys in schools and colleges and against women in the country. The increasing sexual violence should not be surprising.
When superstars like Salman Khan and such programs behave in such irresponsible manner without hesitation, it is a crime to remain silent or go ahead by saying ‘Chalta Hai’.
In 2019, the ‘MeToo’ movement started in India, giving courage to women that wounds do not heal with the passage of time and as long as they are green, there can be no time restriction and no layer on it.